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So I'm pissed and pissed off and my girlfriend is asleep and my other girfriend is working and my concubine is in Puerto Rico and I have no one to be pissed off at so I'll piss off here a bit.

Top ten things I'm pissed off about:

1. I can't get a good taco in this town. All the Mexicans are north of the border.

2.Despite being labled as "Video Chat", there's never any girls with video cams here. Or, if there are, they're "chatting" with other girls. Dammit.

3.This fiasco in Iraq. My lil bro is there and it pisses me off. Badly.

4.I'm out of beer.

5. Beer store is too far to walk to.

6.I'm out of paper towels and my puppy hasn't learned that my Herez persian rug is not a green field of shitable grass.

7. Thankfully I have a bit of weed but when that runs out I'll be pissed off.

8. I'm pissed off that such trivial and trite shit as listed above pisses me off.

9. it's raining outside and that shit really pisses me off.

10. My birtday is exactly 4 months from today and I didn't receive my obligatory "four month from my birthday blowjob". From anyone.

I know I'm whining. Let me smoke this last doob and I'll blog about how fukin happy I am. hehe

Ciao,
Nick

Well I thought I was categorically tainted but it wasn't until I saw the recent pic post here on Most Def of two little horny Smurfs screwing their brains out that I realized I have many more sins to enjoy before I board the big train to the sky. Jesus Fucking Christ, is that not hot or what!?!! I mean, every fucking marriage counselor in the world should have that pic hung right on the wall beside all their university degrees and framed academic titles expounding their professionalism. Hell, if your marriage is in the dumps and there's no more sex, who cares about a bachelor's degree? Look at the lil blue gnomes pounding away at each other and if that doesn't put the fire back in bed for ya you might as well cut it off or sew it shut.
I'm almost sure, in my newly realized ignorance, that there are secret societies out there of people who paint themselves blue and wear silly hats and call out "Oh Pa yer smurfin me too hard!" while copulating boldly to the jealous dismay of evil Gargamel.
But I understand that one can only enter the land of Smufrsville if one is invited by a fellow Smurf. So Smurf me up mothersmurfers and invite this Smurfvirgin to that party and I'll gladly lick the blue off any ass in Smurfdom!
Peyo would be proud.

On my way to Google search "SmurfFuckin"

Nick

So Dubbya's gonna throw another 20,000 boys and girls into the melee...Fuckin Hell.
I say throw 200,000 in or get the hell out. Stop the pussyfootin! Another novel idea - untether the troops that are there now from the fuckin beauracracy and let them do what needs to be done. The corrupt and inept Iraqi army will do nothing.
Take over the oil fields, set air patrolled parameters,and let the secratarians battle it out in the streets of the cities. They love that shit. They've been doin it for centuries. It's a fukin national pastime. I'm sure we could afford to airdrop some colored jerseys to them so we could keep better tabs on who's killing who and maybe even televise the games by satellite to pay per view fans. Hell, we gotta fund this farce somehow. We could even take some pressure off our prison system's death row backlog by dropping some convicted child molestors and murderers into the thick of it (wired for video and sound, of course)and seeing how they fare. For the fighting militant fanatics it would be like a Christmas gift. Or a Hanakka gift, or whatever they fuckin consider holy.

Nick

Well, first let me give a hearty salutation to all the MostDef members who have endured another year and a big sloppy drooly wet Happy New Year kiss to all of you!
It has been a year, as was the last and the one before that, of many new accomplishments of individuals, latex appliance fetishists, and governments alike. 2006 was a year that we finally cured cancer and made contact with intelligent life forms from a distant galaxy. It was a year that saw an end to hunger and machete mutilations on the Dark Continent. It was a year that saw television programs like Queer Eye for the Straight Guy and American Chopper blend seamlessly into Middle America's psyche without a hint of rogotorial challenge. And, at long last Earnest Angley was cannonized. It was a year that that saw Christians and Muslims embraced in a heartfelt bear hug that melted away 2000 years of idiotic religious tensions between the two, and brought together my friends Muhammad al Bin Latiffa and little South Louisianan Shirley Petula Jones in a blissful matrimony that both sets of proud parents will joyfully celebrate for years to come. Future family reunion videos are eagerly anticipated. I, for one can't wait to see their first offspring, Beauregard Bin Jones, hurl his first homemade incendiary device, side armed like Dan Quisenberry, into an unsuspecting, eagerly awaiting mitt of some Buddhist squattermonk-catcher. Let's face it..Once Christianity and Islam merge this great year, there will only be the far eastern faithful and far south bible thumpers left to conquer. My bet's that that the Tennessean and Alabamian snake jugglers will prove a much more difficult lot to convert than the sidewinders.
But I digress.
2006 was also the year that we saw closure to the cases of Jon Benet Ramsey and the Loch Ness Monster Hoax. Who could have forseen that the same evil culprit was behind both?
Also seen this grand year of 2006 was the announcement of the burrito eating champion of the world! One Eric Badlands Booker, Belgian by birth, was crowned supreme, amidst a flurry of public outcry by the followers Haitian burrito guzzler and national hero Shrivli Rais-n. Controversy over the hooded piglets beneath the table will linger. This joyful year saw the appointment of name to our imperical mascotial leader, Lodi. In addition to the convergence of of idealisms on stem cell research and a universial acceptance to the methods of treatments of autism, this year also saw the end to the Diet Coke-Coca Cola-Rum-Hangover-Debate. Diet Coke won. Promise. And I wipe standing up. Facing away from the bowl.

Amongst all of the great achievements that this past year has witnessed, perhaps the most defining has been the emergence of a curious sect of web-dwellers, known only to a select few midnight alchemists and hops and herbs enthusiasts, known as the MostDef Company(MDC). According to J. Edgar Hoover cronies and worldwide conspiracy theorists alike, this bunch will "one day rule the world in ways that Allister Crowley only imagined in his greatest mastrabatory fantasies". God save the queen. And her offspring.
Let's hope that this New World Order never materializes and that we, as normal wool-producing sheep, can all sleep blissfully each star-strewn night without the worry of this horrific bundling plague descending upon us.

Happy New Year,
Nick

Here's a tip-o-the-ye-ole-egg-nog to all the boys and girls who are serving their respective country in any of the hotspot battle zones of the world.
You all are braver, more dedicated, more determined, stronger in body and will, than most people can understand. And for that I salute you. Your actions WILL be rewarded.
We are thinking of you all in this holiday season.
Keep keepin on.